Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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