it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
