How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
