So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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