I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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