when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
