whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
