I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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