The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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