when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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