im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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