you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
