shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
