How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
