I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
