even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize