My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
