Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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