this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
