Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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