I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
