wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
