Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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