Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
