Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
