This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need to sanitize my soul.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize