drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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