3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
