i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
