i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
