i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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