im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
