hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
