And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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