guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
