wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
