lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
