Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
