You smell like a Billy Joel song
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
