woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
