i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
