she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
