dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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