Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
