Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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