i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
