Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
