I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so let's talk penis.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
