i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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