I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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