i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
