I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have started to decorate penises.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize