did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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