Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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