also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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