Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize