yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
