Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
