3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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