I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
