if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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