last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
