He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize