i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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