so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
