He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
